Nostalgia and Life
“I’d trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday.”
It’s amazing how when you think of your life, the small moments stand out so much more than the big ones, the life-changing ones. I am sure this isn’t the case just with me but with every single person reading this. Nostalgia hits the hardest for moments- that song playing in the car that night, the pitter-patter of rain while we ate pakoras in the verandah, stars twinkling in the sky outside as five of us snuggled in a chaddar with Baba telling us a story that warm summer night, the sweet taste of Mangalore bun on your tongue when you tasted it for the first time… Always the smallest moments, the smallest details stored in our memory for perhaps when we need it the most…
Not a moment, but a phase in my life that always, always fills my body with an inexplicable sense of “sukoon” is visits to my Nani’s (granny’s) place in Pune some 6–7 years ago. Nani moved to Pune to be near to her family. Another relation of ours also stayed with her. Visits to her home wasn’t something I simply looked forward to, I actually LONGED for it. Come any weekend, and if I could, I would rush to her place for a day.
The routine never varied. Mornings, I would find her waking me up lovingly with a cup of tea and two biscuits- always the same flavor. Soon after, she would switch on the radio and tune it to the old songs’ channel. Old songs have a strangely soothing impact on me- as if they tell me that there is nothing more important than to be at peace with who you are, there is no hurry or rush. I don’t know.
Breakfast was usually something scrumptious prepared by uncle. We would then proceed with our individual chores. The verandah of her house was surrounded by trees and it was strangely, oddly fulfilling to simply sit there and/or read. Birds would be chirping and there was a silence all around despite the bustling road behind, which kind of felt good. Too much silence also becomes dreadful sometimes 😊 It was something out of a wonder book, that feeling. There was nothing lively about it, just silence. I would forcefully order some lunch and I could tell by their partly- hesitant, half-smiling protests that they wanted it very much too. An afternoon siesta, followed by another round of tea and biscuits and I’d be off for home- satisfied, peaceful, happy, wanting for nothing.
The conversations there were mostly about Nani’s life, her memories, details of events I had heard many times before, childhood tales and so on. A lifetime’s supply of stories. Uncle’s comments would add humor to the overall environment. We would, of course, converse in our language Maithili, a privilege that Pune didn’t afford me otherwise. Perhaps this is what they call old-world charm, a sense that time has stood still in a home, in the quiet, non-changing life of its inhabitants. If I am to grow old ( have my doubts on this point always, very much, thank you :P) I would love to have such a home, and be such a home to someone…
I remember telling my father in great detail about every trip even though there wasn’t much change in the content. He, being his usual loving self, would relish or pretend to relish it simply because I was the narrator… a father’s love, I tell you… 😊
It seems really strange to me now how adventure pales in comparison to peace. I have longed for the pumping of my heart to its fullest, to experience both joy and sorrow in its extremity (wished for the former only, but it comes with the latter always, of course), but eventually I realize, peace, dear peace, sweet peace, there is nothing like you!
Thankfully, the memory of those visits is always, always there, accessible to me in the depths of my being, my soul. So sometimes, I sit and close my eyes and reminisce those visits in a lot of detail, simply to access the snuggly sensations that arise in my body with it. I really am transported to a dream world momentarily.
I am sure you have similar experiences to share. Would love to hear please!!! 😊
P.S. I penned down a fictional story ages ago about an old lady. Will share in my next post!
